It was a long drive to Wisconsin from Florida, not only in time and distance, but in contemplation as well.  I have made too many bad decisions in my life to still be around.  Yet here I am.  For what purpose?  If I were a believing man, I would say there is something left for me to do or actually do something.  Up to this point, my life has been pretty much of a waste.  So how, at 62 years old, do I turn that around?  I have so many people to ask forgiveness from starting with my family.  I have taken so much from them and not given anything back except my presence.  My mother, who is now 99, has always been there for me.  My son has grown into a good person in spite of me.  My brother, who has had problems of his own has always taken the time to help me.  What can I give them in return?  I have nothing of value.  I have squandered everything.  There was a time that I had certain talents, but I have wasted them also.  I have been so selfish with everything.  I am like a sterile  tree that yields no fruit nor ever flowers.  So what can I give back?  The story of how I came to be me?